As I stir my Coffee, a number of emotions hit me hard today, I realize to make the cup of coffee have the perfect blend of a bitter sweetness in it, it was important to stir it in the reverse too. I wonder if the same was with life. I do not even have a record of how many times, my mind goes back to the past. The familiar past I was comfortable with. It is no option to weep out tears, so I choose to rather write. Words have been dear friends, you see.
Stirring the coffee back and fro, probably meant that it was a common human attitude to have a distant connect to what had already happened. Life is probably like the film I am current watching on the screen in front. Probably all episodes would meet up somewhere or the other to create a happy ending at the end. But, what use is optimism when the strength to live is lost? Wearing a happy smile is something we all do, but how many are actually people who realize that smile, that damn smile which is true and straight from the heart. But, is there something like that which actually exist? Come on, that is a totally fair question to ask for someone who hasn’t had a true smile in ages now. It is just a phase and would probably end, is the only motivation I find nowadays. But what if I am tired, tired of the fake faces around, tired of seeing others happy, tired of just assisting with other’s lives when mine is in a turmoil. I sound shellfish and I am. I too want to be happy. I too want to have a life. I figured out that being shellfish once in a while is actually being conscious of one’s own happiness, and nothing else.
Every film, every series you will ever watch has that one character, unfortunate and unwanted who ends up all alone, ends up in turmoil. It’s unknown to me why I find semblances to those characters. It happens, they say when you feel unwanted, and you feel like there’s no need of you here, or there, anywhere. You feel cut out from everyone, from the world, your world that comprises your people, or is it correct to call them your people anymore? In this storm of unfortunate happenings, there is no reason science could ever explain why you feel comfortable in the lap of your memories. Although, there is some part of you that knows, that something went wrong and it is the very reason why they are just mere memories. But then, that part of you would try and fight and lose, the reason being very obvious, the other part of you that is fragile and vulnerable, triumphs. This explains a lot, about people and their weaknesses, why vulnerability is powerful yet how it makes one weak.
In this very familiar condition, that everyone goes through, trances seems to be any other normal state and flashbacks of beautiful episodes often end up with that hard blow of misfortune that made them memories. And then, what you do is shout, scream, cry, write, drink and the list goes on for everyone have their own defense mechanisms. So what starts being so beautiful ends up being ugly, so freaking ugly, that you would rather choose to come back to what you presently have, believing that at least it was better.
And then your mind suddenly transfers to what was important because you are brought back to the present with a hard blow. That cup of coffee, that was being stirred, it has now turned cold just like your memories and there is only one realization, that I hope is true, that being, you can’t always keep going back to the past, only because it was familiar.